press on. a poem by me|kendra shiloh

press on. (a poem of perseverance)

I went to the salon to get my nails done
Stiletto shaped;
Just so I could scratch these thoughts out of my mind.
You planted them like seeds at the age of three
weeds aren’t planted often, for they’re seen as a nuisance to most.
But you were fascinated by them,
you wanted me to delight in your corrupt pleasures.
I blindly obeyed
until the day I fought you

I fought the part of you that rested in my mind;
Wrapping around my head like a vine
I couldn’t get you out of my head.

I let my emotion overtake me
And I begged for the waves to cease.
You once told me
“If the system doesn’t work for you, change it”
I didn’t know how to change
My mental age didn’t match the physical;
the spark never got the chance to light.

I numbed my pain for nine months.
Each day I let a force that I never seemed to quite understand control me
I was defeated but saw it was as a victory
Because the idea of something else besides you controlling was enough to clear my hazy vision.

I’m unsure of where I am now.
But your system wasn’t working for me anymore.
And when I’m finished, you’ll remember my name.

-kendra shiloh

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